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nmesae

Writing my dissertation

I started writing my dissertation in the spring of 2023. First, doing lots and lots of research, reading, collecting sources and taking notes. Had a few "sponge months" as I called them... just absorbing knowledge and letting it all settle in my brain. After a little break from "absorbing" I started writing, and really picked up the pace through June and July. At this point, the research started weighing on me quite a bit.


Reading about Colombia's violent history, theories of collective memory and trauma, grief, PTSD, and art therapy was heavy, of course. But then writing about it all, in my own words, and connecting the dots in a personal way, was more emotionally taxing than I expected. I remember seeing my friends after a long day of writing, and inevitably, they would say, "you don't have to write your dissertation about this... pick a lighter topic". But I felt like I needed to write my dissertation about Colombia's collective memory and trauma, and about how to heal it. In September, I re-structured my whole dissertation, and added a whole analysis of Doris Salcedo's work and how it evidences and heals Colombia's collective trauma.


I'll add some images of Doris Salcedo's work below, and some excerpts from my dissertation. If you're interested in reading it, send me an email and I'll happily share it (email: nmesae@gmail.com).




"A Flor de Piel (2014), was inspired by a story about a Colombian nurse who was aiding both sides of the conflict when she was kidnapped, tortured and killed. The enormous blood-red shroud is made of carefully preserved rose petals stitched together in the way nurses and surgeons suture wounds. The rose petals are a reference to floral offerings resting on graves and the stitching is a symbol of piercing pain while also symbolizing the act of bringing together those who mourn. The repetitive action of puncturing and stitching the delicate petals “recapitulates the unresolved nature of the tragedy that is the work’s first source... never to be resolved but never to be forgotten or dismissed” (Salcedo, Widholm & Grynsztejn, 2018, p.13).


Although this piece is based on an individual story, the nature of it - a huge shroud made of thousands of individual petals sutured together - makes it unmistakably collective. Symbolically bringing together those who mourn by stitching petals together is a representation collective memory and a reference to the value of collective mourning in Colombia. Unity through mourning is a running theme in Salcedo’s work. It's a beautiful and haunting materialization of collective “unresolved" pain, and an offering to those who have died at violent hands. Upon establishing the collective nature of grief and pain, Salcedo then urges compassion to emerge from her viewers and fellow Colombians, creating a compassionate community that can support those who are directly grieving. Feeling supported in grief and trauma is essential to healing."









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